1. Communicate your company’s values, mission and vision to your team members. Who are you, what do you stand for and where are you going? This doesn’t mean, especially in the area of where you are going, that you can’t change your route along the way. But at least you give them a map of where you want to take them, as a general guide.
2. There is power in these three traits: sincerity, loyalty and integrity. If you want your team members to learn these three necessary traits, show them by example. As their leader and guide, you have to live what you believe.
3. Raise their level of thinking if you want them to grow. Dumbing down only results in dumbing down and dumb people running around in your organization. Regardless of whether they have a grade school degree, a high school degree, a college diploma or a Phd, people understand basic concepts if explained clearly, in a way they can relate to, of course. I tend to use a lot of practical analogies so my team members can visualize what I mean.
4. It’s not just about the money; your team members want to feel that they have a personal contribution to your company no matter how small and that their voices can be heard. When you promise to get back to them with an answer to their question, request, complaint (yes, no, another time), do so in a timely fashion.
5. Set specific expectations of their performance so they know what it is you want them to accomplish. Give them the tools and the support to perform ably. As a follow-up to setting the standards of their expected performance, evaluate their performance on a periodic basis (monthly, quarterly, yearly).
6. Admit when you are wrong. This is a tough one but it shows them that everyone makes mistakes, can learn from them, must move on and do better the next time.
7. Invest time, money, energy and effort to educate them. Your team members are more valuable to you the more skilled they are and the more they use their heads. The brain is an organ which is severely underused. There is much room for it to get sharper with constant exercise.
8. You can, as an employer, treat your team members extremely well and still encounter those who simply have the wrong attitude and bad character (both incurable, unlike lack of skills and lack of education). This might cause you to be discouraged. Don’t let that happen. Weeding out is part of the process. Sometimes, it’s better to part ways sooner rather than later.
9. Exercise patience. People need time to change their way of thinking, especially if that’s the only way they know and they’re comfortable with that way already. People by nature are creatures of habit so they dread change.
10. Discipline your team members very early on in the relationship. Always be firm but fair (the analogy of the velvet glove rather than an iron fist). Correct when needed, definitely compliment when called for. People, especially Filipinos in my experience, will try to get away with as much as they can, if you allow them.
P.S. On a lighter note, I highly recommend the MANAGING A PINOY STAFF DIET to anyone who wants to lose weight. I must’ve lost anywhere between 8-10 pounds in 6 weeks without even trying.
Tina Vitas
Makati City
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
BEHIND THE SCENES OF THE SCENTSATIONS LAUNCH
SCENTSATIONS has arrived…..
I picked up a line of locally manufactured, designer-inspired fragrances in the hopes of branding and distributing it. Tall order for a petite entrepreneur like me. I figured that if I was able to make a brand icon out of my mom with her restaurant, Mama V, I can do the same with an unknown line of high-quality designer inspired fragrances. (Imitation is, after all, the highest form of flattery, isn’t it?) Started with the appropriate name – SCENTSATIONS. A play on the word sensations. Sense of smell evokes a lot of memories, emotions, thoughts and sometimes, even imagery.
My first step was to convince a few direct sales agents who were in my natural environment - voice teacher and receptionist at music school, therapist at beauty salon, housekeeping at my office building, secretary at my financial adviser’s office, my nephew’s yaya - to sell the fragrances on commission. The goal was to get feedback from a diverse set of customers. I was encouraged by the overwhelmingly positive responses across the board.
Quick lesson in my direct sales experience was to downsize. The 100 ml. bottle was value for money which made it relatively cheap; but Filipinos are generally more concerned that the product is absolutely cheap in real peso numbers. Interesting for me to see this at play because I learned the opposite philosophy in Emerging Markets investments. Relative value is more important than absolute value. In a sense, Filipinos are a very peculiar breed.
Step two was to switch to the 50 ml. bottle and try a bigger audience at a bazaar setting. I turned in an application to the monthly Karl Edward Bazaar at the NBC Tent and was told there was no availability. After several follow-up calls from my office, I was accepted on May 21st for the mid-June bazaar. Perfect venue to launch SCENTSATIONS since the Karl Edward Bazaar already has a loyal following.
With 9 women’s fragrances and 8 men’s fragrances I handpicked myself, I officially introduced SCENTSATIONS to the general public today, Saturday, June 16, 2007. Successful launch of a new product as measured by visual appeal of the bazaar booth, the presentation of the product and lingering first impressions. I knew that I had to temper my expectations regarding sales volume this early on in the business cycle.
Depending on how the reception grows over the next few months, step three is to bite the cost and rent retail space in a heavy traffic mall. I wish to be able to achieve this within a year’s time in order to have a bigger platform for distribution across a wider market. I will not do this, though, until I’m ready for the long-term commitment of paying exhorbitant rents and until I feel comfortable that my product already has a good base.
I would like to thank Babsi Angeles, my new Business Manager, who has been patient, supportive and tolerant of me in the initial stages of the business-building of Scentsations. She’s doing this while also running my 24-Hour Convenience Store and managing me, her boss (the more challenging of the three).
Many thanks to Kyle Gozo, up and coming Junior Art Director (he refers to himself as “visualizer”), who has helped me with the design, concept and the execution of the bazaar booth above and beyond what I would’ve imagined, especially since he donated his time and creative genius without compensation. It was a great pleasure to collaborate with Kyle because we just threw ideas back and forth at each other until we reached an outcome where we both had our distinct input. I felt like I was back with my old Emerging Markets Team of superstars at Offitbank, a fertile and festive breeding ground of brilliant ideas coming from Richard Madigan, Scott McKee, Lenora Suki and Eduardo Raz Guzman. This is what I miss most in the corporate world – people who stretch your critical thinking and creative imagination beyond your comfort level.
I must say that in the almost four years I have lived in the Philippines, working with Babsi and Kyle has been a breath of fresh air. A rarity indeed. After this reaffirming experience with these two colleagues, I am confident that this country has a pool of people, hiding somewhere, undiscovered, who have the talent, drive and desire to work hard in pursuit of the finest. Very passionate about what they do and have such attention to detail. They will simply not settle for what we have grown accustomed to in our society as “puwede na iyan” and “cutting corners”. These two lethal Filipino work attitudes together produces mediocrity. A sad waste of many of the Filipinos’ natural abilities.
Something worth mentioning to you. Although Babsi did not finish her college degree, she has the panache and the will to overcome what other people would consider an obstacle – lack of education. And because I recognized that she had the attitude of a winner, it would be up to me as her boss and mentor to invest in her, to bring out the “diamond in the rough”, if she survives me…..I am not only demanding, tough and particular, but I also have high standards and high expectations of myself and other people. Mind you, whatever I do is always done with a “wicked” sense of humor, a unique flair, entertaining drama on some days and with a generous hand. Never boring, I promise.
Kyle, meanwhile, is in his twenties. You can’t fathom where he gets the depth of his talent and professionalism from, inspite the lack of work experience on his resume. It must be genetic. He is the nephew of Minyong Ordonez, formerly of Basic Advertising and recently retired CEO of Publicis Group. Most famous for creating the classic and much loved “langhap sarap” ads of Jollibee, among many others. A legend in the Philippine advertising industry. From the looks of it, Kyle could be following in a legend’s footsteps this early on in his career.
Cheers to people like Kyle and Babsi. I am truly inspired after having worked with both of you. Maraming salamat!
Let me leave you with this thought: “If you give your best to the world, the world gives its best back to you.”
And everybody say, amen.
Tina Vitas
Makati City
I picked up a line of locally manufactured, designer-inspired fragrances in the hopes of branding and distributing it. Tall order for a petite entrepreneur like me. I figured that if I was able to make a brand icon out of my mom with her restaurant, Mama V, I can do the same with an unknown line of high-quality designer inspired fragrances. (Imitation is, after all, the highest form of flattery, isn’t it?) Started with the appropriate name – SCENTSATIONS. A play on the word sensations. Sense of smell evokes a lot of memories, emotions, thoughts and sometimes, even imagery.
My first step was to convince a few direct sales agents who were in my natural environment - voice teacher and receptionist at music school, therapist at beauty salon, housekeeping at my office building, secretary at my financial adviser’s office, my nephew’s yaya - to sell the fragrances on commission. The goal was to get feedback from a diverse set of customers. I was encouraged by the overwhelmingly positive responses across the board.
Quick lesson in my direct sales experience was to downsize. The 100 ml. bottle was value for money which made it relatively cheap; but Filipinos are generally more concerned that the product is absolutely cheap in real peso numbers. Interesting for me to see this at play because I learned the opposite philosophy in Emerging Markets investments. Relative value is more important than absolute value. In a sense, Filipinos are a very peculiar breed.
Step two was to switch to the 50 ml. bottle and try a bigger audience at a bazaar setting. I turned in an application to the monthly Karl Edward Bazaar at the NBC Tent and was told there was no availability. After several follow-up calls from my office, I was accepted on May 21st for the mid-June bazaar. Perfect venue to launch SCENTSATIONS since the Karl Edward Bazaar already has a loyal following.
With 9 women’s fragrances and 8 men’s fragrances I handpicked myself, I officially introduced SCENTSATIONS to the general public today, Saturday, June 16, 2007. Successful launch of a new product as measured by visual appeal of the bazaar booth, the presentation of the product and lingering first impressions. I knew that I had to temper my expectations regarding sales volume this early on in the business cycle.
Depending on how the reception grows over the next few months, step three is to bite the cost and rent retail space in a heavy traffic mall. I wish to be able to achieve this within a year’s time in order to have a bigger platform for distribution across a wider market. I will not do this, though, until I’m ready for the long-term commitment of paying exhorbitant rents and until I feel comfortable that my product already has a good base.
I would like to thank Babsi Angeles, my new Business Manager, who has been patient, supportive and tolerant of me in the initial stages of the business-building of Scentsations. She’s doing this while also running my 24-Hour Convenience Store and managing me, her boss (the more challenging of the three).
Many thanks to Kyle Gozo, up and coming Junior Art Director (he refers to himself as “visualizer”), who has helped me with the design, concept and the execution of the bazaar booth above and beyond what I would’ve imagined, especially since he donated his time and creative genius without compensation. It was a great pleasure to collaborate with Kyle because we just threw ideas back and forth at each other until we reached an outcome where we both had our distinct input. I felt like I was back with my old Emerging Markets Team of superstars at Offitbank, a fertile and festive breeding ground of brilliant ideas coming from Richard Madigan, Scott McKee, Lenora Suki and Eduardo Raz Guzman. This is what I miss most in the corporate world – people who stretch your critical thinking and creative imagination beyond your comfort level.
I must say that in the almost four years I have lived in the Philippines, working with Babsi and Kyle has been a breath of fresh air. A rarity indeed. After this reaffirming experience with these two colleagues, I am confident that this country has a pool of people, hiding somewhere, undiscovered, who have the talent, drive and desire to work hard in pursuit of the finest. Very passionate about what they do and have such attention to detail. They will simply not settle for what we have grown accustomed to in our society as “puwede na iyan” and “cutting corners”. These two lethal Filipino work attitudes together produces mediocrity. A sad waste of many of the Filipinos’ natural abilities.
Something worth mentioning to you. Although Babsi did not finish her college degree, she has the panache and the will to overcome what other people would consider an obstacle – lack of education. And because I recognized that she had the attitude of a winner, it would be up to me as her boss and mentor to invest in her, to bring out the “diamond in the rough”, if she survives me…..I am not only demanding, tough and particular, but I also have high standards and high expectations of myself and other people. Mind you, whatever I do is always done with a “wicked” sense of humor, a unique flair, entertaining drama on some days and with a generous hand. Never boring, I promise.
Kyle, meanwhile, is in his twenties. You can’t fathom where he gets the depth of his talent and professionalism from, inspite the lack of work experience on his resume. It must be genetic. He is the nephew of Minyong Ordonez, formerly of Basic Advertising and recently retired CEO of Publicis Group. Most famous for creating the classic and much loved “langhap sarap” ads of Jollibee, among many others. A legend in the Philippine advertising industry. From the looks of it, Kyle could be following in a legend’s footsteps this early on in his career.
Cheers to people like Kyle and Babsi. I am truly inspired after having worked with both of you. Maraming salamat!
Let me leave you with this thought: “If you give your best to the world, the world gives its best back to you.”
And everybody say, amen.
Tina Vitas
Makati City
Sunday, June 10, 2007
A LETTER TO HONORABLE ACE DURANO, DEPARTMENT OF TOURISM
I sent this letter via post to the office of the Honorable Ace Durano of the Department of Tourism not too long after my mother, my nephew and I went on a package tour to Banaue/Sagada last year. I never received a response from his office. Might have something to do with the fact that I am a private citizen with no political clout. Nonetheless, I wanted to share the letter with you.
July 16, 2006
Honorable Joseph H. Durano
Secretary, Department of Tourism
Room 400, DOT Building
T.M. Kalaw Street
Rizal Park, Ermita 1000
Dear Minister Durano:
I read a piece in the Philippine Daily Inquirer by Greg Bloom (one of the author’s of Lonely Planet Philippine edition) about the potential of the Philippines as a major ecotourism and adventure travel destination. This is obviously an area where the Philippines has a competitive advantage in that has not been fully explored.
Greg Bloom also mentioned in his piece that the Department of Tourism is aggressively promoting the already famous tourist attractions which include Boracay, Bohol, Palawan and Banaue/Sagada. I do agree with him that destinations like Banaue/Sagada are more heavily advertised than others, although it appears to me that we have to do more than just promotion – we need to focus on preservation, as well.
I acknowledge the fact that you have done a superb job during your current stint as Minister and congratulate you for your efforts. I know this because of the published statistics in the papers on foreign visitors and their more diverse nationalities, in addition to the visual evidence I see when I walk around in the Central Business District and my travels throughout the Philippines. There are more foreigners living and visiting the country today than when I arrived in 2003.
I have lived in the States for 17 years, the last 9 years in New York City. I returned home to Manila in August 2003. Since I am now a resident of Makati, it is my obligation as a concerned Filipino citizen to write my public officials if I feel they can do something to make this country a better place for myself and my countrymen. I am writing you to relate a story about my trip to Sagada in the end of May this year.
I took a walking tour with a local tour guide to a cave in Sagada to see the much talked about Hanging Coffins. I was deeply saddened to hear the story from the tour guide that the city is not given proper funding to preserve these sites. In fact, from where I was standing in the mouth of the cave, you could see bones left on top of the wooden coffins. Obviously, certain irresponsible and disrespectful visitors had already desecrated these burial sites. It is both embarrassing and pitiful that something like this can happen to one of our most beloved landmark treasures and more importantly, a sacred place of burial.
A top foreign female executive of a New Zealand bank in the Philippines said in an interview that Sagada is so magical that anyone who hasn’t been to Sagada has not been to the Philippines. This is a compliment of the highest order to the beauty and majesty of this place, Minister Durano.
If what the tour guide in Sagada told me is accurate, I urge you to please look into that problem. I believe that tourism, like it has in other Emerging countries, i.e. Thailand, can contribute significantly to our economy and bring our people out of poverty by giving them a source of income. Unfortunately, this will not happen if we allow the tourist attractions that make the Philippines a unique destination in Asia like Banaue/Sagada further deteriorate.
I thank you for your time and I hope you appreciate my concern. I would like to know what we can do collectively, the DOT and the public, to alleviate this situation. If there is anything I can do to help your institution, I may be reached by email at tvitas@pldtdsl.net.
Sincerely yours,
Tina Vitas
July 16, 2006
Honorable Joseph H. Durano
Secretary, Department of Tourism
Room 400, DOT Building
T.M. Kalaw Street
Rizal Park, Ermita 1000
Dear Minister Durano:
I read a piece in the Philippine Daily Inquirer by Greg Bloom (one of the author’s of Lonely Planet Philippine edition) about the potential of the Philippines as a major ecotourism and adventure travel destination. This is obviously an area where the Philippines has a competitive advantage in that has not been fully explored.
Greg Bloom also mentioned in his piece that the Department of Tourism is aggressively promoting the already famous tourist attractions which include Boracay, Bohol, Palawan and Banaue/Sagada. I do agree with him that destinations like Banaue/Sagada are more heavily advertised than others, although it appears to me that we have to do more than just promotion – we need to focus on preservation, as well.
I acknowledge the fact that you have done a superb job during your current stint as Minister and congratulate you for your efforts. I know this because of the published statistics in the papers on foreign visitors and their more diverse nationalities, in addition to the visual evidence I see when I walk around in the Central Business District and my travels throughout the Philippines. There are more foreigners living and visiting the country today than when I arrived in 2003.
I have lived in the States for 17 years, the last 9 years in New York City. I returned home to Manila in August 2003. Since I am now a resident of Makati, it is my obligation as a concerned Filipino citizen to write my public officials if I feel they can do something to make this country a better place for myself and my countrymen. I am writing you to relate a story about my trip to Sagada in the end of May this year.
I took a walking tour with a local tour guide to a cave in Sagada to see the much talked about Hanging Coffins. I was deeply saddened to hear the story from the tour guide that the city is not given proper funding to preserve these sites. In fact, from where I was standing in the mouth of the cave, you could see bones left on top of the wooden coffins. Obviously, certain irresponsible and disrespectful visitors had already desecrated these burial sites. It is both embarrassing and pitiful that something like this can happen to one of our most beloved landmark treasures and more importantly, a sacred place of burial.
A top foreign female executive of a New Zealand bank in the Philippines said in an interview that Sagada is so magical that anyone who hasn’t been to Sagada has not been to the Philippines. This is a compliment of the highest order to the beauty and majesty of this place, Minister Durano.
If what the tour guide in Sagada told me is accurate, I urge you to please look into that problem. I believe that tourism, like it has in other Emerging countries, i.e. Thailand, can contribute significantly to our economy and bring our people out of poverty by giving them a source of income. Unfortunately, this will not happen if we allow the tourist attractions that make the Philippines a unique destination in Asia like Banaue/Sagada further deteriorate.
I thank you for your time and I hope you appreciate my concern. I would like to know what we can do collectively, the DOT and the public, to alleviate this situation. If there is anything I can do to help your institution, I may be reached by email at tvitas@pldtdsl.net.
Sincerely yours,
Tina Vitas
Saturday, June 9, 2007
WHY THIS COUNTRY IS POOR
I am approaching four years as a returning resident in Manila this August. End of May this year must have been an all-time low for me in this country. Back to back experiences made me shake my head in hopelessness. I am beginning to seriously doubt that the Philippines will ever rise above its current levels of deplorable poverty. Hate to break it to you, our people are stuck in a poverty trap. A “live for today and take what you can even if it’s not yours” mindset that keeps them poor and even poorer over time, if they don’t change. That’s on the side of the poor. On the side of the rich, there is a lot of apathy because it doesn’t really affect their lives whether there is no poverty, some poverty or a lot of poverty. They are already rich and will probably stay that way.
I had the experience of being a first-time business owner and employer in the Philippines with a small household staff of one (I have a studio apartment) and a few employees in my upscale 24-hour “sari-sari” store that caters to a 24-hour Karaoke/TV business. At the same time, not to pat myself on the back, I have and continue to support my church and other charitable organizations with my modest personal money as a way of giving back to the universe which has been incredibly kind to me.
Those wealthy philanthropists can throw large sums of money to organizations to help the poor. I had a better and more affordable idea of helping those few people whom I employ through empowerment. My strategy towards lifting my employees out of their socio-economic status was three-fold: pay them a good salary, give incentive compensation in terms of commission and extras and create opportunities for them to move up in my mom & pop organization when I recognize talent, loyalty, integrity and hard work.
The salary is what I owe them in exchange for the work they have rendered to my company; an even exchange, a quid-pro-quo transaction. Anything above and beyond that is extra. It is given out of the goodness of my heart, in my desire to share whatever I have with them. With this thinking, I was in shock at how a number of employees whom I have helped tremendously, especially the ones who had been with me a few years, had an attitude that can be summed up in one word: UNGRATEFUL.
In the end, they behaved as though they were doing me a favor by working for me and that I owed them for that privilege, even after I paid them their salaries. Additionally, that there was no need to be thankful for my generosity because that was nothing short of the ordinary. And please don’t even get me started about the ones who stole from me…..
Allow me to share an anecdote. I thought it most bizarre because one of my employees earnestly prays on bended knees every Wednesday in Baclaran Church for abundance. Did it not ever occur to her that the money bag was not just going to mysteriously fall out of the skies and land on her lap? That maybe the financial blessings would be coursed through an instrument perhaps like me, her employer?
I was the one who sincerely wanted to help them make a decent living and I turned out to be the bad guy for expecting any kind of appreciation from them. This kind of reciprocity made me angry, sad, appalled, perplexed, disheartened, disgusted, disappointed and regretful. With these experiences, what incentive do I have to continue the mission that I’m trying to accomplish? Absolutely none.
Fast forward a few weeks later, when things are in much better perspective. Like everything in life, you cannot give up because you encounter a few bad eggs, a few rotten tomatoes, a few bruised apples. There will always be people who fall short of expectations. When my emotions calmed down, I refused to be deterred by the task at hand. A task which I imposed on myself when I came back home to the Philippines in August 2003 – to change the lives of people around me by changing how they think. That what and how they think determines the actions they take and as a result, the kind of lives they will ultimately have.
If only because of my stubbornness in accomplishing this goal, I am able change one life, THAT IS ONE LIFE THAT IS BETTER OFF TODAY THAN YESTERDAY. I can go to bed with a feeling that I have done something worthwhile, even on such a tiny scale.
I leave you with a verse from Scripture with a promise, a promise that comes with an exhortation that we will have to help the Creator help ourselves.
“Ask and it will be given you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8)
Tina Vitas
Makati City
I had the experience of being a first-time business owner and employer in the Philippines with a small household staff of one (I have a studio apartment) and a few employees in my upscale 24-hour “sari-sari” store that caters to a 24-hour Karaoke/TV business. At the same time, not to pat myself on the back, I have and continue to support my church and other charitable organizations with my modest personal money as a way of giving back to the universe which has been incredibly kind to me.
Those wealthy philanthropists can throw large sums of money to organizations to help the poor. I had a better and more affordable idea of helping those few people whom I employ through empowerment. My strategy towards lifting my employees out of their socio-economic status was three-fold: pay them a good salary, give incentive compensation in terms of commission and extras and create opportunities for them to move up in my mom & pop organization when I recognize talent, loyalty, integrity and hard work.
The salary is what I owe them in exchange for the work they have rendered to my company; an even exchange, a quid-pro-quo transaction. Anything above and beyond that is extra. It is given out of the goodness of my heart, in my desire to share whatever I have with them. With this thinking, I was in shock at how a number of employees whom I have helped tremendously, especially the ones who had been with me a few years, had an attitude that can be summed up in one word: UNGRATEFUL.
In the end, they behaved as though they were doing me a favor by working for me and that I owed them for that privilege, even after I paid them their salaries. Additionally, that there was no need to be thankful for my generosity because that was nothing short of the ordinary. And please don’t even get me started about the ones who stole from me…..
Allow me to share an anecdote. I thought it most bizarre because one of my employees earnestly prays on bended knees every Wednesday in Baclaran Church for abundance. Did it not ever occur to her that the money bag was not just going to mysteriously fall out of the skies and land on her lap? That maybe the financial blessings would be coursed through an instrument perhaps like me, her employer?
I was the one who sincerely wanted to help them make a decent living and I turned out to be the bad guy for expecting any kind of appreciation from them. This kind of reciprocity made me angry, sad, appalled, perplexed, disheartened, disgusted, disappointed and regretful. With these experiences, what incentive do I have to continue the mission that I’m trying to accomplish? Absolutely none.
Fast forward a few weeks later, when things are in much better perspective. Like everything in life, you cannot give up because you encounter a few bad eggs, a few rotten tomatoes, a few bruised apples. There will always be people who fall short of expectations. When my emotions calmed down, I refused to be deterred by the task at hand. A task which I imposed on myself when I came back home to the Philippines in August 2003 – to change the lives of people around me by changing how they think. That what and how they think determines the actions they take and as a result, the kind of lives they will ultimately have.
If only because of my stubbornness in accomplishing this goal, I am able change one life, THAT IS ONE LIFE THAT IS BETTER OFF TODAY THAN YESTERDAY. I can go to bed with a feeling that I have done something worthwhile, even on such a tiny scale.
I leave you with a verse from Scripture with a promise, a promise that comes with an exhortation that we will have to help the Creator help ourselves.
“Ask and it will be given you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8)
Tina Vitas
Makati City
Sunday, April 15, 2007
THE STIGMA OF BEING SINGLE
One of my greatest fears coming back home from New York in 2003 was the oft- repeated greeting in Manila to a single girl in her late twenties and thirties of: “Are you married yet?” (Answer: No). Next question, “Why not? Your standards must be too high.”
This is a nightmare that replayed in my head before heading back home at age 34, single, never been married and no boyfriend in sight. How to stay polite when bombarded by this question of why your marital status is S as opposed to an M. A very private matter, like how much you weigh. This reminds me of another favorite greeting in Manila that goes: “Hi, you’ve gained weight.” Or “Hi, you’ve lost weight.” We will leave that discussion for another article.
There used to be a time when getting married and having children was one of the requirements and rites of passage into adult life. People very readily settled down and lived happily ever after. So we thought……
Life seemed much simpler back then. A woman’s role was limited to managing the household, taking care of her husband and raising her children. This dynamic worked until the era came when two incomes were necessary to support a family, bringing women into the workforce. The once dependent wives now had their own disposable incomes. Women all of a sudden had freedom, independence and choices.
I turned 38 in October last year and something funny is happening in my brain. Marriage, which I have romanticized since I was a young girl, has lost its “necessity for a fulfilling and complete life” appeal. It now only has “it’s entirely my call when I meet the right guy” appeal. Nowadays, being married has become a luxury. You don’t need it to survive but you may still want it, at a price that may have already grown too steep for some.
Maybe it’s because I see how many people among my peers are already separated with children. Maybe it’s because I see that a lot of marriages, especially the ones that couples got into for all the wrong reasons, are not the happy and fun partnerships they ought to be. Maybe because I see that being married to the wrong person is a fate much worse then waking up and eating breakfast by yourself.
It has become more difficult for people to make the decision to settle down nowadays. The longer you are single, the more ensconced you are in your own lifestyle. Have a confession to make. I've worked so hard to reach a happy single equilibrium that I now sort of, in a weird and ridiculous kind of way, dread the day when a man will come along from the heavens and tilt the balance and contentment I struggled to create. I will only accept a co-pilot if I get an overwhelming and comforting feeling that my prospective partner will be worth giving up my hard-earned singleness for…..We must agree at the minimum of where we are going and what route we are taking. A 38-year old woman by force of habit has become protective of her closet space and her personal space, in general. And you can’t blame her for that.
Let me go back to the original idea of not settling for less than who you think is the best partner for you. Maybe I have become too rigid, too picky and too narrow-minded in my wiser and baggage-filled years to allow me to take the plunge into that pool of marital bliss. But upon further introspection, I am comfortable with the notion that I haven’t become impossible to please. I have just come to know, accept and appreciate myself more. I am much clearer about what kind of person I want to share my life with and what I am/am not willing to compromise in this partnership that I hope will last into my golden years.
I have dated enough to have a good idea of what’s out there, but I haven't found someone who I felt was worth staying around for. And in marriage, one has to be black or white in picking. It's not fine china we’re choosing here folks, it's a lifetime partner. Unlike major department stores, there is no such thing as an even exchange. The refunds will cost you!
I only have one life and thus far, husband and kiddies notwithstanding, it’s been pretty damn good. I do have high standards. But I have high standards for everything in my life, with marriage just being one of them.
For the first time in a very long time, I can honestly say, I am single and I am fine with it.
Tina Vitas
Makati City
This is a nightmare that replayed in my head before heading back home at age 34, single, never been married and no boyfriend in sight. How to stay polite when bombarded by this question of why your marital status is S as opposed to an M. A very private matter, like how much you weigh. This reminds me of another favorite greeting in Manila that goes: “Hi, you’ve gained weight.” Or “Hi, you’ve lost weight.” We will leave that discussion for another article.
There used to be a time when getting married and having children was one of the requirements and rites of passage into adult life. People very readily settled down and lived happily ever after. So we thought……
Life seemed much simpler back then. A woman’s role was limited to managing the household, taking care of her husband and raising her children. This dynamic worked until the era came when two incomes were necessary to support a family, bringing women into the workforce. The once dependent wives now had their own disposable incomes. Women all of a sudden had freedom, independence and choices.
I turned 38 in October last year and something funny is happening in my brain. Marriage, which I have romanticized since I was a young girl, has lost its “necessity for a fulfilling and complete life” appeal. It now only has “it’s entirely my call when I meet the right guy” appeal. Nowadays, being married has become a luxury. You don’t need it to survive but you may still want it, at a price that may have already grown too steep for some.
Maybe it’s because I see how many people among my peers are already separated with children. Maybe it’s because I see that a lot of marriages, especially the ones that couples got into for all the wrong reasons, are not the happy and fun partnerships they ought to be. Maybe because I see that being married to the wrong person is a fate much worse then waking up and eating breakfast by yourself.
It has become more difficult for people to make the decision to settle down nowadays. The longer you are single, the more ensconced you are in your own lifestyle. Have a confession to make. I've worked so hard to reach a happy single equilibrium that I now sort of, in a weird and ridiculous kind of way, dread the day when a man will come along from the heavens and tilt the balance and contentment I struggled to create. I will only accept a co-pilot if I get an overwhelming and comforting feeling that my prospective partner will be worth giving up my hard-earned singleness for…..We must agree at the minimum of where we are going and what route we are taking. A 38-year old woman by force of habit has become protective of her closet space and her personal space, in general. And you can’t blame her for that.
Let me go back to the original idea of not settling for less than who you think is the best partner for you. Maybe I have become too rigid, too picky and too narrow-minded in my wiser and baggage-filled years to allow me to take the plunge into that pool of marital bliss. But upon further introspection, I am comfortable with the notion that I haven’t become impossible to please. I have just come to know, accept and appreciate myself more. I am much clearer about what kind of person I want to share my life with and what I am/am not willing to compromise in this partnership that I hope will last into my golden years.
I have dated enough to have a good idea of what’s out there, but I haven't found someone who I felt was worth staying around for. And in marriage, one has to be black or white in picking. It's not fine china we’re choosing here folks, it's a lifetime partner. Unlike major department stores, there is no such thing as an even exchange. The refunds will cost you!
I only have one life and thus far, husband and kiddies notwithstanding, it’s been pretty damn good. I do have high standards. But I have high standards for everything in my life, with marriage just being one of them.
For the first time in a very long time, I can honestly say, I am single and I am fine with it.
Tina Vitas
Makati City
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
WHAT I LOVE ABOUT FILIPINOS
I have a penchant for finding what it is that I feel needs to be improved in the methods and ways of the Filipino. I wanted to sit down for a change, to write about what I love about Filipinos and what makes me proud to be Filipino. The countdown of my top ten begins…..
1. I love that Filipinos take pride in the way they look and the way they dress. They also pay special attention to their personal hygiene regardless of what line of work they do, whether blue collar or white collar. Not to be petty but try taking the subway in other countries in the summer and you will appreciate this Filipino trait. Believe me.
2. I love the Filipino sense of politeness and gentleness in their manner of speaking. Spent some time in the very efficient and first-world city of Hong Kong this year. I love Hong Kong because it reminds me of where my heart will always be - New York - though it's New York in an Asian setting. After several trips to Hong Kong, I came to this realization that Filipinos’ docile nature can have its advantages in the right context.
3. I love the Filipinos’ natural ability to share and innate desire to give gifts big, small and cash-denominated at times. (I only wish they would have that same “sharing mindset” when it comes to driving. Traffic would be much less aggravating for drivers if such were the case.) In the realm of sharing, Filipinos also want to be part of a social group for many of their activities, starting with their families and relatives.
4. I love Filipinos’ creativity, resourcefulness and entrepreneurial spirit. They manage to craft and sell anything and everything on the streets, in sari-sari stores, in sidewalk kiosks, in department stores, in flea markets and in boutiques. I love it that they sell to each other in schools and the workplace, some even with payment installment plans. Again, the predominant product that is sold is not surprisingly, food!
5. I love the Filipino eagerness to help people in need and to show caring and concern to others, even people whom they don’t know too well. My brother’s friend, and my brother on a separate occasion, stood in line with me for several hours at the LTO to get my license. Granted they don’t have traditional office jobs, it was still an inconvenience for them to do that with me.
6. I love the fact that in a predominantly “machista” Filipino culture, there is pay equality among genders. And ample opportunities for women to rise to executive and managerial positions without too much discrimination based on their sex. The number of successful females in the corporate and business world in this country is one of the highest in Asia.
7. I love the Filipino warmth to foreigners, their welcoming and accommodating nature and ability to understand English. Have been to Bangkok a few times, which is another city I love, and I always come back thankful that our country still speaks, reads and writes in English. Try explaining to a saleswoman in Bangkok what size and color of clothing you need and it may take more than a few minutes, coupled with a lot of frustration on your part.
8. I love the Filipino man’s “gentlemanly and gallant” qualities that have not been eroded by modern life and the independence of women. They will still open doors for you, help you out of the car and pick you up from your house. I love the Filipina’s “femininity and softness” on the exterior, but don’t be fooled because that is coupled with a strong interior. They may be already helping with the finances but they still take care of their men at home. Proof that one can serve without necessarily being servile.
9. I love that Filipinos have such an exuberantly happy and positive outlook, have such hearty humor and have vibrant spirits whatever their circumstances in life may be at any time. This love for life also seems to have translated itself somehow into a love for singing. We must be the world’s most karaoke-addicted people. We don’t even need alcohol to give us courage to start singing in the early mornings. We are shameless when it comes to karaoke.
10. Partially because eating gives me such great joy (and it is only sheer vanity that keeps me from being a complete, all-out glutton), I love the Filipinos’ appetite for food, frequency of eating, throwing fiestas with incredible amounts of food and having numerous celebrations with an overflow of food. There is always a variety of food and a lot of it wherever you go in this country, from the bustling metropolis to the far rural corners.
Tina Vitas
Makati City
1. I love that Filipinos take pride in the way they look and the way they dress. They also pay special attention to their personal hygiene regardless of what line of work they do, whether blue collar or white collar. Not to be petty but try taking the subway in other countries in the summer and you will appreciate this Filipino trait. Believe me.
2. I love the Filipino sense of politeness and gentleness in their manner of speaking. Spent some time in the very efficient and first-world city of Hong Kong this year. I love Hong Kong because it reminds me of where my heart will always be - New York - though it's New York in an Asian setting. After several trips to Hong Kong, I came to this realization that Filipinos’ docile nature can have its advantages in the right context.
3. I love the Filipinos’ natural ability to share and innate desire to give gifts big, small and cash-denominated at times. (I only wish they would have that same “sharing mindset” when it comes to driving. Traffic would be much less aggravating for drivers if such were the case.) In the realm of sharing, Filipinos also want to be part of a social group for many of their activities, starting with their families and relatives.
4. I love Filipinos’ creativity, resourcefulness and entrepreneurial spirit. They manage to craft and sell anything and everything on the streets, in sari-sari stores, in sidewalk kiosks, in department stores, in flea markets and in boutiques. I love it that they sell to each other in schools and the workplace, some even with payment installment plans. Again, the predominant product that is sold is not surprisingly, food!
5. I love the Filipino eagerness to help people in need and to show caring and concern to others, even people whom they don’t know too well. My brother’s friend, and my brother on a separate occasion, stood in line with me for several hours at the LTO to get my license. Granted they don’t have traditional office jobs, it was still an inconvenience for them to do that with me.
6. I love the fact that in a predominantly “machista” Filipino culture, there is pay equality among genders. And ample opportunities for women to rise to executive and managerial positions without too much discrimination based on their sex. The number of successful females in the corporate and business world in this country is one of the highest in Asia.
7. I love the Filipino warmth to foreigners, their welcoming and accommodating nature and ability to understand English. Have been to Bangkok a few times, which is another city I love, and I always come back thankful that our country still speaks, reads and writes in English. Try explaining to a saleswoman in Bangkok what size and color of clothing you need and it may take more than a few minutes, coupled with a lot of frustration on your part.
8. I love the Filipino man’s “gentlemanly and gallant” qualities that have not been eroded by modern life and the independence of women. They will still open doors for you, help you out of the car and pick you up from your house. I love the Filipina’s “femininity and softness” on the exterior, but don’t be fooled because that is coupled with a strong interior. They may be already helping with the finances but they still take care of their men at home. Proof that one can serve without necessarily being servile.
9. I love that Filipinos have such an exuberantly happy and positive outlook, have such hearty humor and have vibrant spirits whatever their circumstances in life may be at any time. This love for life also seems to have translated itself somehow into a love for singing. We must be the world’s most karaoke-addicted people. We don’t even need alcohol to give us courage to start singing in the early mornings. We are shameless when it comes to karaoke.
10. Partially because eating gives me such great joy (and it is only sheer vanity that keeps me from being a complete, all-out glutton), I love the Filipinos’ appetite for food, frequency of eating, throwing fiestas with incredible amounts of food and having numerous celebrations with an overflow of food. There is always a variety of food and a lot of it wherever you go in this country, from the bustling metropolis to the far rural corners.
Tina Vitas
Makati City
Sunday, April 1, 2007
THE COST OF EXPORTING FILIPINOS
The ever growing number of OFW’s contribution to the Philippine economy astounds me. Not the sheer size of the figure and the surrounding hoopla about it but the social cost to Filipino society that everyone seems to have conveniently overlooked. Nobody ever talks about the social costs. We are all blinded by the money that the export of Filipino labor brings back to us.
Is exporting Filipinos abroad really a viable and sensible long-term solution to the problem we face at home which is - WE ARE UNABLE TO CREATE ENOUGH JOBS FOR OUR PEOPLE. A PEOPLE WHO ARE GROWING AT AN ALARMINGLY FASTER RATE THAN WE CAN SUPPLY RESOURCES TO THEM.
Bear with me for a moment and think hard about this. For every Filipino and Filipina, who is married with a family, we ship abroad in exchange for their precious foreign currency, there is a family left behind in the Philippines. A family that is without a father, without a mother (possibly without both father and mother), without a husband, without a wife. Children left behind with now more cash than they need but relegated to secondary caretakers. Even if it were the grandparents or aunts and uncles who raised these children, do you really think that they are better off with a more lavish life but growing up without their parents?
Spouses left behind by themselves who now have the solo burden of raising their children. Is this really a good formula for inspiring fidelity in a marriage, a union one commits to because of togetherness and partnership?
I am not a parent yet but I can tell you one thing from my own experience being a child - children need role models in their parents. I have changed dramatically in certain respects having lived abroad from ages 17-34, but the core of me has stayed the same. Many many thanks to both my parents’ hard work, time and dedication to raising me full-time and hands-on.
People always think that they are automatically better off when they have more money. Truth of the matter is, you are in some ways because you can buy more things, more vacations, more luxuries and more comforts. In other ways, the cause of happiness in life has no relation whatsoever to money. Studies across cultures and ages have shown that the main drivers of happiness are personal/professional fulfillment, spiritual well being, good relationships and feeling of belonging & contributing to a community.
If this were not the case, you would find a direct correlation between how much money people have and how happy they are. If you’ve been around insanely wealthy people (like I have because I worked in private banking in the U.S.), you would know that the correlation might even go in the opposite direction. More money, more complications in life and therefore, more misery. What a paradox!
At my age of 38, I have come to the conclusion that money can indeed buy you out of many unhappy situations because it gives you freedom. The unfortunate thing is it cannot buy you happiness. For this reason, it makes me terribly sad that we are celebrating the fragmentation of Filipino families and Filipino society in exchange for money.
In the future, I think we may look back and say it wasn't really worth it......We should start asking the important questions now as to what kind of generation of children we are raising – children whose parents are “out of reach” because they have been exported.
Tina Vitas
Makati City
Is exporting Filipinos abroad really a viable and sensible long-term solution to the problem we face at home which is - WE ARE UNABLE TO CREATE ENOUGH JOBS FOR OUR PEOPLE. A PEOPLE WHO ARE GROWING AT AN ALARMINGLY FASTER RATE THAN WE CAN SUPPLY RESOURCES TO THEM.
Bear with me for a moment and think hard about this. For every Filipino and Filipina, who is married with a family, we ship abroad in exchange for their precious foreign currency, there is a family left behind in the Philippines. A family that is without a father, without a mother (possibly without both father and mother), without a husband, without a wife. Children left behind with now more cash than they need but relegated to secondary caretakers. Even if it were the grandparents or aunts and uncles who raised these children, do you really think that they are better off with a more lavish life but growing up without their parents?
Spouses left behind by themselves who now have the solo burden of raising their children. Is this really a good formula for inspiring fidelity in a marriage, a union one commits to because of togetherness and partnership?
I am not a parent yet but I can tell you one thing from my own experience being a child - children need role models in their parents. I have changed dramatically in certain respects having lived abroad from ages 17-34, but the core of me has stayed the same. Many many thanks to both my parents’ hard work, time and dedication to raising me full-time and hands-on.
People always think that they are automatically better off when they have more money. Truth of the matter is, you are in some ways because you can buy more things, more vacations, more luxuries and more comforts. In other ways, the cause of happiness in life has no relation whatsoever to money. Studies across cultures and ages have shown that the main drivers of happiness are personal/professional fulfillment, spiritual well being, good relationships and feeling of belonging & contributing to a community.
If this were not the case, you would find a direct correlation between how much money people have and how happy they are. If you’ve been around insanely wealthy people (like I have because I worked in private banking in the U.S.), you would know that the correlation might even go in the opposite direction. More money, more complications in life and therefore, more misery. What a paradox!
At my age of 38, I have come to the conclusion that money can indeed buy you out of many unhappy situations because it gives you freedom. The unfortunate thing is it cannot buy you happiness. For this reason, it makes me terribly sad that we are celebrating the fragmentation of Filipino families and Filipino society in exchange for money.
In the future, I think we may look back and say it wasn't really worth it......We should start asking the important questions now as to what kind of generation of children we are raising – children whose parents are “out of reach” because they have been exported.
Tina Vitas
Makati City
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
