Yes, I know I sound like an 8-year old with that kind of title. I like to talk about my friends, especially people who inspire me.
It’s somewhat funny how I already met Jana in high school, maybe even as early as grade school, but we’ve never come anywhere close to being friends. We had a girlfriend in common back then. I would run into Jana frequently in this friend's house.
Fast forward many years later and we meet up again. She is married to her high school sweetheart and has 4 children. I am a returning balikbayan with a New York attitude in Manila (which some would consider a major drawback). And I have a recurring dilemma since I can't find too many people I can relate to on the level I’ve been used to in New York where people like me are called candid, confident and determined. In Manila, I’m classified as rude, stubborn and arrogant. I can't find people who “get me”.
I end up with a lot of expat friends who unfortunately for me, are transients. Aside from expats, I also started developing an affinity for Americans living in Manila who were recent college graduates. The whole American thing just clicked. I was at home with them and they seemed to be at home with me. Something in me thoroughly relished in the role of taking care of foreigners.
Jana started doing gigs with a band at a local bar/restaurant near my house. It became for a while, a watering hole for me and my friends. Right around this time, I was taking formal voice lessons for fun and to develop another part of my brain. Maybe just to humor me because I’m so “ganado” and “filled with emotion” onstage, she called me to sing during open mic jam sessions. My singing back then and my choice of songs would’ve made anyone run for Prozac and Zoloft. At least, I’ve learned to pick more up-tempo songs and to be less dramatic which is not easy for someone who’s a natural in the drama department.
Anyway, this bar is where our friendship started. People come into your life during a particular season. And I bet you anything the timing isn’t an accident. I now know that the people who come into my life have a reason, a purpose and something of value to share with me. And I would like to think, vice versa.
I remember living on my own for 17 years in the United States. During this time, friends, by default, took on the role of my family. They supported me, encouraged me, helped me, sponsored me, tolerated me, accepted me and laughed & cried with me sometimes. On the rare moments that I would behave with a selfishness above and beyond what they could handle, the same friends told me off and put me in my place. I respect and love them for that…..
To the friends who have managed to survive me and to the many friends in the future, Jana included, who will survive me – thank you. My bark is much worse than my bite once you get down to it.
I had a Lebanese-Texan colleague tell me fairly early on in our acquaintance that she was on to my schtick. I said to her: “What schtick?” She said that I deliberately put on a tough exterior to immediately weed out people who didn’t have the gumption to get past that display. That underneath, once you’ve taken the time to dig deeper into the private persona, I’m actually a softie. That might have something to do with her nickname for me which is Twinkie.
Inspite of that comment (insert big smiley here), I remained dear friends with her. She “got me” even before she knew me. How could I not keep her?
Tina Vitas
Makati City
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
THINGS IN THIS COUNTRY THAT MAKE ME GO “HUH?”
1. Barging en masse into the elevator before the passengers have completely exited. How are passengers going to get out if you’re standing in the way? You are just making the entire process of getting to where you are going less expeditious, not more.
2. Department of Public Works start digging holes on busy streets in June. June signals the start of the season when it rains constantly and when there is generally heavier traffic with school in session. How come no one has the common sense to start digging during dry season when there are no floods and also take advantage of the few months where traffic is lighter because kids are on vacation?
3. I have written about this one in a letter to the Philippine Daily Inquirer. The dumbfounded look on a cashier’s face when you hand them a relatively small denomination like a P500 bill. The look – priceless!
4. People’s cell phones ringing off the hook, full volume during a performance at the CCP (Cultural Center of the Philippines). And some really ill-mannered viewers actually taking the phone call and having a conversation within earshot of the audience.
5. The CCP allowing viewers to walk in up until 45 minutes after a musical concert has started. If you’re late for the show, you should only be able to come in during intermission or in between numbers. The audience whom you are disrupting also paid for their tickets and they made it a point to get there on time. I had a dozen people walk through my row in those 45 minutes after the show began.
6. The garbage from the neighboring building landing on the open area behind my apartment unit. Did these tenants next door ever hear of a garbage chute or a trash can? If you can live in a building like BSA, I would like to assume you have had some education. It would be nice if this person didn’t use my building as their dumpster.
7. Blocking the diamond lane in the intersection. Basically, if I can’t get through, no one else will. Guess what, no one does. We’re all stuck there twiddling our thumbs.
8. The driver on the extreme right lane of a four-lane Osmena highway careening horizontally towards the left side so the car can turn left. Who cares if this driver swipes the three other cars in their lanes, who by the way, are all in the right of way?
9. I park in an open air paid vertical parking in my building. Drivers blocking my car with their horizontally parked cars without leaving the keys with the guards. There was one occasion when it took a good thirty minutes to find the driver in the building.
10. Jeepneys, buses and pedicabs. Say no more!
I have to tell you, Filipinos are an accepting, forgiving and too “pasa-todo” bunch. An attitude like “okay lang iyan” begets a society that never changes. Yet, these same people who have that attitude also complain.
Sometimes, I just wonder why Filipinos are so bizarrely lacking in common sense when we are a very smart race, after all.
Four years later, I am still going “HUH?”
Tina Vitas
Makati City
2. Department of Public Works start digging holes on busy streets in June. June signals the start of the season when it rains constantly and when there is generally heavier traffic with school in session. How come no one has the common sense to start digging during dry season when there are no floods and also take advantage of the few months where traffic is lighter because kids are on vacation?
3. I have written about this one in a letter to the Philippine Daily Inquirer. The dumbfounded look on a cashier’s face when you hand them a relatively small denomination like a P500 bill. The look – priceless!
4. People’s cell phones ringing off the hook, full volume during a performance at the CCP (Cultural Center of the Philippines). And some really ill-mannered viewers actually taking the phone call and having a conversation within earshot of the audience.
5. The CCP allowing viewers to walk in up until 45 minutes after a musical concert has started. If you’re late for the show, you should only be able to come in during intermission or in between numbers. The audience whom you are disrupting also paid for their tickets and they made it a point to get there on time. I had a dozen people walk through my row in those 45 minutes after the show began.
6. The garbage from the neighboring building landing on the open area behind my apartment unit. Did these tenants next door ever hear of a garbage chute or a trash can? If you can live in a building like BSA, I would like to assume you have had some education. It would be nice if this person didn’t use my building as their dumpster.
7. Blocking the diamond lane in the intersection. Basically, if I can’t get through, no one else will. Guess what, no one does. We’re all stuck there twiddling our thumbs.
8. The driver on the extreme right lane of a four-lane Osmena highway careening horizontally towards the left side so the car can turn left. Who cares if this driver swipes the three other cars in their lanes, who by the way, are all in the right of way?
9. I park in an open air paid vertical parking in my building. Drivers blocking my car with their horizontally parked cars without leaving the keys with the guards. There was one occasion when it took a good thirty minutes to find the driver in the building.
10. Jeepneys, buses and pedicabs. Say no more!
I have to tell you, Filipinos are an accepting, forgiving and too “pasa-todo” bunch. An attitude like “okay lang iyan” begets a society that never changes. Yet, these same people who have that attitude also complain.
Sometimes, I just wonder why Filipinos are so bizarrely lacking in common sense when we are a very smart race, after all.
Four years later, I am still going “HUH?”
Tina Vitas
Makati City
Thursday, July 19, 2007
BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL (AND OTHER BEAUTIFUL THINGS)
I hosted a breakfast gathering for one of my closest and dearest friends, favorite people on the planet and tireless spiritual coach, Ronelle Bell from Cape Town, South Africa on Thursday this week. Ronelle studied in Manila for a year and returned home in May 2006 to work full-time in university campus ministry. We met through our church, the Victory Christian Fellowship at the Fort.
For the Every Nation Leadership Institute (ENLI) World Conference this July 2007, she dragged a team of college kids she mentors all the way to the Philippines to attend the conference. Their schedule was akin to that of a Presidential campaign yet I snagged Ronelle a few times solo (yes, I am a selfish and sometimes, a high- maintenance friend) and on one occasion, Ronelle and her group at breakfast. She is literally a ray of light wherever she goes because of her infectious spirit and upbeat demeanor.
I was blown away by the Cape Town college kids – they were all so sweet, well spoken and delicate. I looked like I had the manners of a pro wrestler compared to them – loud and proud. They had all the shades of black and brown among six of them, including Ronelle. Such diversity in their beauty and color. One looked Latina, the other could pass for a Filipina and the young man was a dead ringer for Ziggy Marley.
Additionally, Ronelle handcarried a few bottles of wine for me from South Africa. I couldn't believe the quality of the wines from their vineyards. It was world class and comparable to the better-known wine producing countries like France, Italy, Spain, Chile, Argentina, Australia and US (California).
Most of the visual I have on Africa are the stories and images flashed on CNN. Not to be rude to Africans, but the themes of these stories often involve bloodshed, violence and famine. I’m not discounting stories of hope in that continent like Nelson Mandela and the demise of apartheid, Oprah Winfrey’s school for girls, Angelina Jolie’s humanitarian missions and many more. Same way that the general perception abroad based on the media is that it’s alarmingly dangerous in the Philippines. Therefore, our country is not a recommended tourist destination.
Although I have lived in a few different places, met and mingled with international people from all over the globe whose caliber I can only aspire towards, I still hold on steadfastly to these ridiculous ideas about people. I’m embarrassed to even admit that for someone who portrays herself as so worldly, parts of me remain quite ignorant. The more we know about the world, the more we break down our prejudices and misconceptions. Oftentimes, they are just that - prejudices and misconceptions based on ignorance and stupidity.
A friend of mine is blessed with supreme genes in the looks department which gets him loads of attention he is not always comfortable with (never imagined one’s beauty could be such a burden…..) But the most arresting thing about him is that he has his heart in the right place and that he has an incredible brain lodged in his head. Even if this person gained forty pounds (sorry, dear), he would still have the goods because the goods are in the right place.
My point is that we connect to people on a level that is more than skin deep, that is more than just commonalities based on the “uncontrollables” that were not of our choosing - like color, nationality, age, religion, looks, intelligence, size, families/money/place we were born into, social status in society etc. The commonalities that truly connect us and connect us with a bond that lasts a lifetime - shared values, goals, interests, dreams, priorities, beliefs, lifestyle, choices and allow me, humor, most definitely……These are really what matter in the long-run, not the color of one’s skin.
After that breakfast, I was humbled to find that there is beauty in many people we come across in life. Sometimes, we are just too blind and too self-absorbed to recognize it and appreciate it.
On a parting note, one of the girls named Zwakele gave us a sample of the song she was performing that evening. I can only tell you one thing, I would like to sing with the soul of a black woman. Hallelujah!
And to my sisters from Cape Town, I say to you with the sincerest of compliments:
BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL!
Tina Vitas
Makati City
For the Every Nation Leadership Institute (ENLI) World Conference this July 2007, she dragged a team of college kids she mentors all the way to the Philippines to attend the conference. Their schedule was akin to that of a Presidential campaign yet I snagged Ronelle a few times solo (yes, I am a selfish and sometimes, a high- maintenance friend) and on one occasion, Ronelle and her group at breakfast. She is literally a ray of light wherever she goes because of her infectious spirit and upbeat demeanor.
I was blown away by the Cape Town college kids – they were all so sweet, well spoken and delicate. I looked like I had the manners of a pro wrestler compared to them – loud and proud. They had all the shades of black and brown among six of them, including Ronelle. Such diversity in their beauty and color. One looked Latina, the other could pass for a Filipina and the young man was a dead ringer for Ziggy Marley.
Additionally, Ronelle handcarried a few bottles of wine for me from South Africa. I couldn't believe the quality of the wines from their vineyards. It was world class and comparable to the better-known wine producing countries like France, Italy, Spain, Chile, Argentina, Australia and US (California).
Most of the visual I have on Africa are the stories and images flashed on CNN. Not to be rude to Africans, but the themes of these stories often involve bloodshed, violence and famine. I’m not discounting stories of hope in that continent like Nelson Mandela and the demise of apartheid, Oprah Winfrey’s school for girls, Angelina Jolie’s humanitarian missions and many more. Same way that the general perception abroad based on the media is that it’s alarmingly dangerous in the Philippines. Therefore, our country is not a recommended tourist destination.
Although I have lived in a few different places, met and mingled with international people from all over the globe whose caliber I can only aspire towards, I still hold on steadfastly to these ridiculous ideas about people. I’m embarrassed to even admit that for someone who portrays herself as so worldly, parts of me remain quite ignorant. The more we know about the world, the more we break down our prejudices and misconceptions. Oftentimes, they are just that - prejudices and misconceptions based on ignorance and stupidity.
A friend of mine is blessed with supreme genes in the looks department which gets him loads of attention he is not always comfortable with (never imagined one’s beauty could be such a burden…..) But the most arresting thing about him is that he has his heart in the right place and that he has an incredible brain lodged in his head. Even if this person gained forty pounds (sorry, dear), he would still have the goods because the goods are in the right place.
My point is that we connect to people on a level that is more than skin deep, that is more than just commonalities based on the “uncontrollables” that were not of our choosing - like color, nationality, age, religion, looks, intelligence, size, families/money/place we were born into, social status in society etc. The commonalities that truly connect us and connect us with a bond that lasts a lifetime - shared values, goals, interests, dreams, priorities, beliefs, lifestyle, choices and allow me, humor, most definitely……These are really what matter in the long-run, not the color of one’s skin.
After that breakfast, I was humbled to find that there is beauty in many people we come across in life. Sometimes, we are just too blind and too self-absorbed to recognize it and appreciate it.
On a parting note, one of the girls named Zwakele gave us a sample of the song she was performing that evening. I can only tell you one thing, I would like to sing with the soul of a black woman. Hallelujah!
And to my sisters from Cape Town, I say to you with the sincerest of compliments:
BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL!
Tina Vitas
Makati City
THE PINOY “INTRIGA” FACTOR
I had one of those weeks when most of my energy was zapped by an activity that is a complete and utter waste of time – dealing with intrigues. This particular situation I share with you happened in the workplace.
INTRIGA IS A BIG FACTOR IN EVERYDAY FILIPINO LIFE. It is counterproductive, hurtful and disruptive. Filipinos, men and women, continue to engage in it like an addiction. It really gets a rise out of me every time I see it happen.
In the last few years I lived here, I noticed that Filipinos like chatting about the gory details of their personal life. More enjoyable than that is chatting about other people and other people’s business. The problem is when they say something negative about another person, when you call them on it, they will not own up to what they said. And very defensively remark: “I never said that!”. It is a country, it appears to me, suffering from selective amnesia.
I don’t have any problems with people taking the liberty to comment about others. They are entitled to have an opinion about everything under the sun – with the opinion being either complimentary, indifferent or downright nasty. But please don’t pretend like you never said it when someone asks you.
I have found characters in denial of this sort in the States. These types, though, are more an exception rather than the rule. Americans are quite straightforward and in general, have the nerve to admit what they had said, however unpleasant those comments may be. The normal response when called on it would be something along the lines of: “Yes, I did say that. It's my opinion.”
This reminds me of a conversation I had with a dear Mexican friend who I learned a lot from while we were colleagues in New York. He used to poke fun at me because I was so black or white about every issue known to man. The point he was trying to make was we definitely have to define absolutes when it comes to the big, non-negotiables like integrity, loyalty, sincerity and the like. But the other facets of life really leave room for a large undefined (undefinable even), gray area. The conclusion is nobody really knows the absolute, absolute truth of absolutely everything. But the goal is to come as close as possible to discovering what the truth is…..In that respect, it is not entirely distorted to say that truth, in certain situations, is relative.
When faced with a few belligerent and already hot-tempered adult women in my office screaming “You said this…” with the other saying “I didn’t say that..." And a third one chiming in “Are you calling her a liar?”. I just watched this pathetic exchange and shook my head in sheer disgust. I had a yes or no question that sparked this feisty drama and fierce debate. From my point of view, my question was already answered so I didn't really care about everyone else's two cents worth.
Folks when you say something, mean it and own up to it. If you can’t, don’t bother saying it. In Tagalog, PANINDIGAN MO ANG IYONG SINABI. Kung hindi mo kayang panindigan, huwag mo nalang sabihin.
There is no bigger turn-off in life than being – in the words of the very wise and witty Richard C. Madigan – A WEASEL.
Tina Vitas
Makati City
INTRIGA IS A BIG FACTOR IN EVERYDAY FILIPINO LIFE. It is counterproductive, hurtful and disruptive. Filipinos, men and women, continue to engage in it like an addiction. It really gets a rise out of me every time I see it happen.
In the last few years I lived here, I noticed that Filipinos like chatting about the gory details of their personal life. More enjoyable than that is chatting about other people and other people’s business. The problem is when they say something negative about another person, when you call them on it, they will not own up to what they said. And very defensively remark: “I never said that!”. It is a country, it appears to me, suffering from selective amnesia.
I don’t have any problems with people taking the liberty to comment about others. They are entitled to have an opinion about everything under the sun – with the opinion being either complimentary, indifferent or downright nasty. But please don’t pretend like you never said it when someone asks you.
I have found characters in denial of this sort in the States. These types, though, are more an exception rather than the rule. Americans are quite straightforward and in general, have the nerve to admit what they had said, however unpleasant those comments may be. The normal response when called on it would be something along the lines of: “Yes, I did say that. It's my opinion.”
This reminds me of a conversation I had with a dear Mexican friend who I learned a lot from while we were colleagues in New York. He used to poke fun at me because I was so black or white about every issue known to man. The point he was trying to make was we definitely have to define absolutes when it comes to the big, non-negotiables like integrity, loyalty, sincerity and the like. But the other facets of life really leave room for a large undefined (undefinable even), gray area. The conclusion is nobody really knows the absolute, absolute truth of absolutely everything. But the goal is to come as close as possible to discovering what the truth is…..In that respect, it is not entirely distorted to say that truth, in certain situations, is relative.
When faced with a few belligerent and already hot-tempered adult women in my office screaming “You said this…” with the other saying “I didn’t say that..." And a third one chiming in “Are you calling her a liar?”. I just watched this pathetic exchange and shook my head in sheer disgust. I had a yes or no question that sparked this feisty drama and fierce debate. From my point of view, my question was already answered so I didn't really care about everyone else's two cents worth.
Folks when you say something, mean it and own up to it. If you can’t, don’t bother saying it. In Tagalog, PANINDIGAN MO ANG IYONG SINABI. Kung hindi mo kayang panindigan, huwag mo nalang sabihin.
There is no bigger turn-off in life than being – in the words of the very wise and witty Richard C. Madigan – A WEASEL.
Tina Vitas
Makati City
Sunday, July 1, 2007
NEW YORK STATE OF MIND
I was relating the story to a lunch companion of mine this weekend about my first rehearsal of the Billy Joel classic song “New York State of Mind” and how singing the lyrics made me teary-eyed. I was awash with a torrent of memories of my 9 years in New York, especially the colorful and incorrigible (used as terms of endearment) characters I met there who made a huge imprint in my heart.
The simpatico “old soul” at lunch said to me: “You should go back to New York.” At that moment, that was probably the most appropriate thing to say…..
New York stood for an extraordinary chapter in my life. Maybe it was the particular stage in my life, the time in my life, the period in New York when there was a Wall Street bull run like no other and the types of people who crossed paths with me (a number of whom took care of me as though I was a part of their own family).
This confluence of factors, sad to say, can not be repeated in another place or at another time. The inner circle of people who redefined my standards of friendship and love by which future relationships will be measured against - people like Richard, Gisela, Leni, Joe and Eduardo – have all gone their separate ways. Some stayed in New York, one moved to Mexico City and another is currently in the midst of finding a new career wherever in the world her search may take her.
By the way, there are many other friends of mine who have impacted my life profoundly. Though you weren't mentioned by name, you know who you are and how much I appreciate your friendship.
I’ve lived here for almost four years now - in Emerging Markets, Third World, always on the verge of developing but haven’t yet developed Manila, Philippines in Southeast Asia. I have accepted that I am now a Philippine resident with a grace and peace that have been very hard to come by. In fact, only recently did I stop belligerently fighting the idea that one high-heeled clad foot of mine is permanently on Cathay Pacific.
Having said all that, I’m not saying I will never live anywhere else because I’ve learned that one never knows what the future brings. Besides, experience has proven to me that life is indeed full of surprises.
I have to admit, my life here in Manila is not the same life that I knew so well and loved dearly in New York, by any stretch of the imagination. It is oftentimes lacking in diversity, efficiency, candor, sensibility, excitement and unpredictability.
But it is a life rich with so many possibilities, on many different levels. A life that is overflowing with comfort, ease, warmth, flexibility, freedom and security of a support system of family and friends around me whom I can call on for help. With the added bonus of tropical weather all year and having the luxury of time to enjoy life, not just slave away at one's job.
Finally, after four years of struggling, I can finally announce to the world that I have arrived. I AM HOME. Every now and then, though, I still indulge myself in a “New York State of Mind” for old times’ sake. I can't help it, I truly miss the people I met in New York, more than the place itself. Because it's always the people you encounter that makes that place special to you.
The moment reality hits me again, I am reminded that my mind can wander however far back into my past life it wants to go but my heart is now where it belongs – in Manila.
There’s no better way to end this post than with the last few lines of the song that goes:
“I DON’T HAVE ANY REASONS BECAUSE I LEFT THEM ALL BEHIND. I’M IN A NEW YORK STATE OF MIND.”
Tina Vitas
Makati City
The simpatico “old soul” at lunch said to me: “You should go back to New York.” At that moment, that was probably the most appropriate thing to say…..
New York stood for an extraordinary chapter in my life. Maybe it was the particular stage in my life, the time in my life, the period in New York when there was a Wall Street bull run like no other and the types of people who crossed paths with me (a number of whom took care of me as though I was a part of their own family).
This confluence of factors, sad to say, can not be repeated in another place or at another time. The inner circle of people who redefined my standards of friendship and love by which future relationships will be measured against - people like Richard, Gisela, Leni, Joe and Eduardo – have all gone their separate ways. Some stayed in New York, one moved to Mexico City and another is currently in the midst of finding a new career wherever in the world her search may take her.
By the way, there are many other friends of mine who have impacted my life profoundly. Though you weren't mentioned by name, you know who you are and how much I appreciate your friendship.
I’ve lived here for almost four years now - in Emerging Markets, Third World, always on the verge of developing but haven’t yet developed Manila, Philippines in Southeast Asia. I have accepted that I am now a Philippine resident with a grace and peace that have been very hard to come by. In fact, only recently did I stop belligerently fighting the idea that one high-heeled clad foot of mine is permanently on Cathay Pacific.
Having said all that, I’m not saying I will never live anywhere else because I’ve learned that one never knows what the future brings. Besides, experience has proven to me that life is indeed full of surprises.
I have to admit, my life here in Manila is not the same life that I knew so well and loved dearly in New York, by any stretch of the imagination. It is oftentimes lacking in diversity, efficiency, candor, sensibility, excitement and unpredictability.
But it is a life rich with so many possibilities, on many different levels. A life that is overflowing with comfort, ease, warmth, flexibility, freedom and security of a support system of family and friends around me whom I can call on for help. With the added bonus of tropical weather all year and having the luxury of time to enjoy life, not just slave away at one's job.
Finally, after four years of struggling, I can finally announce to the world that I have arrived. I AM HOME. Every now and then, though, I still indulge myself in a “New York State of Mind” for old times’ sake. I can't help it, I truly miss the people I met in New York, more than the place itself. Because it's always the people you encounter that makes that place special to you.
The moment reality hits me again, I am reminded that my mind can wander however far back into my past life it wants to go but my heart is now where it belongs – in Manila.
There’s no better way to end this post than with the last few lines of the song that goes:
“I DON’T HAVE ANY REASONS BECAUSE I LEFT THEM ALL BEHIND. I’M IN A NEW YORK STATE OF MIND.”
Tina Vitas
Makati City
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