THE PINOY “INTRIGA” FACTOR

I had one of those weeks when most of my energy was zapped by an activity that is a complete and utter waste of time – dealing with intrigues. This particular situation I share with you happened in the workplace.

INTRIGA IS A BIG FACTOR IN EVERYDAY FILIPINO LIFE. It is counterproductive, hurtful and disruptive. Filipinos, men and women, continue to engage in it like an addiction. It really gets a rise out of me every time I see it happen.

In the last few years I lived here, I noticed that Filipinos like chatting about the gory details of their personal life. More enjoyable than that is chatting about other people and other people’s business. The problem is when they say something negative about another person, when you call them on it, they will not own up to what they said. And very defensively remark: “I never said that!”. It is a country, it appears to me, suffering from selective amnesia.

I don’t have any problems with people taking the liberty to comment about others. They are entitled to have an opinion about everything under the sun – with the opinion being either complimentary, indifferent or downright nasty. But please don’t pretend like you never said it when someone asks you.

I have found characters in denial of this sort in the States. These types, though, are more an exception rather than the rule. Americans are quite straightforward and in general, have the nerve to admit what they had said, however unpleasant those comments may be. The normal response when called on it would be something along the lines of: “Yes, I did say that. It's my opinion.”

This reminds me of a conversation I had with a dear Mexican friend who I learned a lot from while we were colleagues in New York. He used to poke fun at me because I was so black or white about every issue known to man. The point he was trying to make was we definitely have to define absolutes when it comes to the big, non-negotiables like integrity, loyalty, sincerity and the like. But the other facets of life really leave room for a large undefined (undefinable even), gray area. The conclusion is nobody really knows the absolute, absolute truth of absolutely everything. But the goal is to come as close as possible to discovering what the truth is…..In that respect, it is not entirely distorted to say that truth, in certain situations, is relative.

When faced with a few belligerent and already hot-tempered adult women in my office screaming “You said this…” with the other saying “I didn’t say that..." And a third one chiming in “Are you calling her a liar?”. I just watched this pathetic exchange and shook my head in sheer disgust. I had a yes or no question that sparked this feisty drama and fierce debate. From my point of view, my question was already answered so I didn't really care about everyone else's two cents worth.

Folks when you say something, mean it and own up to it. If you can’t, don’t bother saying it. In Tagalog, PANINDIGAN MO ANG IYONG SINABI. Kung hindi mo kayang panindigan, huwag mo nalang sabihin.

There is no bigger turn-off in life than being – in the words of the very wise and witty Richard C. Madigan – A WEASEL.

Tina Vitas
Makati City