MY FRIEND JANA

Yes, I know I sound like an 8-year old with that kind of title. I like to talk about my friends, especially people who inspire me.

It’s somewhat funny how I already met Jana in high school, maybe even as early as grade school, but we’ve never come anywhere close to being friends. We had a girlfriend in common back then. I would run into Jana frequently in this friend's house.

Fast forward many years later and we meet up again. She is married to her high school sweetheart and has 4 children. I am a returning balikbayan with a New York attitude in Manila (which some would consider a major drawback). And I have a recurring dilemma since I can't find too many people I can relate to on the level I’ve been used to in New York where people like me are called candid, confident and determined. In Manila, I’m classified as rude, stubborn and arrogant. I can't find people who “get me”.

I end up with a lot of expat friends who unfortunately for me, are transients. Aside from expats, I also started developing an affinity for Americans living in Manila who were recent college graduates. The whole American thing just clicked. I was at home with them and they seemed to be at home with me. Something in me thoroughly relished in the role of taking care of foreigners.

Jana started doing gigs with a band at a local bar/restaurant near my house. It became for a while, a watering hole for me and my friends. Right around this time, I was taking formal voice lessons for fun and to develop another part of my brain. Maybe just to humor me because I’m so “ganado” and “filled with emotion” onstage, she called me to sing during open mic jam sessions. My singing back then and my choice of songs would’ve made anyone run for Prozac and Zoloft. At least, I’ve learned to pick more up-tempo songs and to be less dramatic which is not easy for someone who’s a natural in the drama department.

Anyway, this bar is where our friendship started. People come into your life during a particular season. And I bet you anything the timing isn’t an accident. I now know that the people who come into my life have a reason, a purpose and something of value to share with me. And I would like to think, vice versa.

I remember living on my own for 17 years in the United States. During this time, friends, by default, took on the role of my family. They supported me, encouraged me, helped me, sponsored me, tolerated me, accepted me and laughed & cried with me sometimes. On the rare moments that I would behave with a selfishness above and beyond what they could handle, the same friends told me off and put me in my place. I respect and love them for that…..

To the friends who have managed to survive me and to the many friends in the future, Jana included, who will survive me – thank you. My bark is much worse than my bite once you get down to it.

I had a Lebanese-Texan colleague tell me fairly early on in our acquaintance that she was on to my schtick. I said to her: “What schtick?” She said that I deliberately put on a tough exterior to immediately weed out people who didn’t have the gumption to get past that display. That underneath, once you’ve taken the time to dig deeper into the private persona, I’m actually a softie. That might have something to do with her nickname for me which is Twinkie.

Inspite of that comment (insert big smiley here), I remained dear friends with her. She “got me” even before she knew me. How could I not keep her?

Tina Vitas
Makati City